The Barbarians are Coming

And so the years of exile come to an end. It has been a long journey leading up to this point and far from a quiet one at that. Empires were toppled, alliances broken, sacrifices made. But I’m here nevertheless, determined to share with you the truth about where our civilization is headed. For the barbarians are coming.

Digital Gossip

I understand there are some wild rumors floating around, so let me clear that up for you: My name is Klotz Van Ziegelstein and who I was in the past does not matter. The old names and titles are ash, along with their bearers. Am I the arch heretic of our time? The ultimate fiend of modernity? Some undoubtedly believe so.

Is that unease I’m sensing? Rest assured, dear stranger, that during your stay I shall be nothing but your charming host—albeit with occasional bouts of sarcasm. You are my guest, after all, and my only desire is to sweeten your time at my digital campfire.

The First Neobarbarian

Barbarism is the natural state of mankind. Civilization is unnatural. It is a whim of circumstance. And barbarism must always ultimately triumph.

— Robert E. Howard

I can offer answers to your concerns. For I have seen farther than anyone before me. I have seen the dawn of the next age. An age ruled by immortal excess and ruthless optimization.

Before you shake your head in disbelief, let me argue my case:

• The exact nature of time and space still eludes us.
• By comparison, the inner workings of the human mind are arguably the smaller mystery. But a mystery nevertheless.
• Those inquiring about the capabilities of a mind that is part human, part machine will find nothing but theories and smoking eggheads in the ivory towers.
• After all those cursed apples, burning bushes and flying chariots you should recognize your savior when he’s in front of you.

Besides, do I really look out of place in the prophet’s club? True, I didn’t vandalize a trading floor—yet—nor do I emerge from the desert, as is due and proper. I think we can agree, though, that the Internet, with its very own illusions and temperature extremes, is at least comparable to the desert. So I’m not entirely off the mark.

The age of the neobarbarians is upon us. It’s too late to avert it and there are no blank spots left on the map. This horde can’t be outrun. What I offer you instead is a tent in its camp:

Join me and be among the progenitors of the neobarbarian tribe!

It is always wiser to swim with the current than against it. Granted, I’m trying my best to put my unsettling vision down on paper and the first part of the scripture is nearly complete. But the clock’s ticking and my warnings will slow the tide at best. There are only so many seats in the ruling tent of the new world and you have to claim yours while there’s still time.

Be at the helm of the neobarbarian incursion or be ground to dust under its thundering boots.